Lovers

We are still lovers and you know it. Everyday in our musings, in our silent contemplations, we meet and hold hands. Things have changed of course. Or have they? We talk on the phone without speaking a word. We chat endlessly without typing more than letter or two. The simmering passion, the silent desire just wont let us be. I know I have wronged you. I am everything you lost and you wont forgive me. We are still lovers and you wont forgive me.

picture abhi baaki hai dost. 'The End' accha hi hoga

singapore is a nice place to be in. very organized and systematic. one of the very few developed countries in asia. its asia's own land of dreams. our very own US of A. while this might augur well for my career in future, I would nevertheless miss india. in being too organized this place is also very predictable. it takes the charm out of life. different from a place like bombay. where each day brings with it newer challenges. from travelling in the local train to braving the july rains. to see people battle against all odds and live on, inspires even the laziest of persons to get moving. bombay is a city with a pulse. singapore, on the other hand, is plastic and staid. even the weather here remains the same throughout the year. imagine a place without seasons!! no summer or winter or spring! every thing has a flip side. so i ll take the package. but yes, ll always miss india. the familiar sights, sounds and smells. even the dirt and the filth. and of course ghar ka khana and street cuisine. miss the mutton stew and the tandoori kebab.
adjusting to the infrastructure and the system here is pretty easy. everything is user friendly and lucidly explained. there is even a website maintained by the government which provides you the exact location of any address you provide. GPS enables you to provide the exact route to any destination. internet is really fast. broadband is a norm. every place is air conditioned. home, office, taxis, metro, shopping centres. it's pretty comfortable. so that way adjusting is not dificult. of course i miss all of you. with time i ll develop a social circle. but still i ll miss you.

when i was a boy, still learning to be a man, I wished I could live the life of my dreams with the person I love, doing a job I covet in a place I like. I dont know if i have achieved any of these or ll ever achieve them all. I have gained so much and lost so much more in the past few years that i have stopped keeping count. but with my limited experience i know thats how life goes on. we have places, we have people, we have wonderful bondings, but everything has its time. its important to learn from them all and move on. thanks to my parents and some special friends, i have learnt to go through the labyrinthe of life and yet enjoy the 'artwork' on the walls.

things that were...

this is long overdue.

I

i still vividly remember my first day at ximb. had moved in the night prior. woke up to a lovely morning the next day. the premonition of a new experience. the promise of a new future. an exhilerating chapter of my life was about to begin. i knew my room neighbours were already there. as i was standing on the corridor outside my room soaking in the morning, just about to light a cigarette. i saw this queer looking person. still not fully awake. expressionless face. " hey good...so you smoke. lend me a light". the first words spoken between two persons who would have a world to talk about in the next two years. this was Saby.

i returned from lunch to find the-guy-i-shared-a-smoke-with unpacking and getting his room in order. i had a cursory glance at another person who clearly did not belong to our block. i had no inkling of the meaning these two people would bring about in my life in the months to come.

october brought with it the first long holidays at ximb. the north east trip in the winter of 2006 was short but seducing. i didnt miss home during the seven days i spent at Saby's place at guwahati. the infatuation with the quaint mountains, the sparkling streams and the mighty brahmaputra was instantaneous. i knew i had to return. foreplay was not enough. i needed to go all the way.

II

time went by and the romance of the north east became a distant memory. meanwhile life went on. personal turmoil brought along with it some degree of self realization. the freshmen were welcomed with aplomb the next year. new relationships were forged and some old bridges broken. workload increased. second year was serious business. but then Xpressions came along and brought with it a wave of euphoria. the JLTs of course were unforgettable. soon enough placement season beckoned and the preoccupation with our career took precedence over everything. we slogged and we celebrated.
everyday brought joys. everyday brought tears. an eventful fortnight later everyone was placed. some were happy and some were not. but the relief was palpable. after five terms of struggles and trials sixth term was a breeze.

the ordeal over, we geared up for maxinations. spirits ran high. tempers flew. fierce competition ensued with events culminating in a poetic justice. C Block won. no tangible reward. no resume value. just a shield. and the experinece of a lifetime.

the convocation ceremony came and went. we were officially proclaimed MBAs. confirmed mercenaries. finally it all ended. end of a journey. end of a chapter. a few great tunes. a few discordant notes. but a symphony nevertheless.

III

north east was beckoning. i had to be back. the promise had to be kept.

the trip was planned long back. we had waited. hearts pregnant with expectation. as we saw group after group go for trip after trip. in retrospect, it was worth the wait. down to every second. the twelve days i spent there were without parallel. we trekked through unknown paths, got drenched in cherrapunji, sang hymns in the tranquil rumtek, rode on yaks, walked on frozen lakes and went 14000 feet up into the lap of himalayas. it was freezing to the bones. senews revolted. each breath was a struggle as we climbed hills and ran through the snow. But there was pervading peace. like i had never felt before. for a few moments i sensed liberation. in the true sense. a perfect sunrise at tiger hills, spectacular sights of tea gardens and the breathtaking kaziranga completed the dream. elephants and rhinos are always a spectacular sight. seeing them at the zoos, calm and stately, is one thing. watching a rhino charge at you from close quarters or hundreds of wild elephants frolicking in gay abandon is quite another. i have not been to kashmir. this was heaven for me.

IV

it was time to say goodbye. to a great support and trusted confidant. as i was riding the autorickshaw to the airport, the memories of the last two years came rushing back. in a sweeping tide. the first beer. the night long assignments. the cricket tournaments. getting drunk and getting stoned. the philosophies and the bitching. the four of us and the unforgettable moments. bike rides. sleeping on the highways. midnight escapades. standing by each other. through thick and through thin. blood, soil, tears and sweat.

V

i had fallen out with Saby. we had not spoken a word to each other the last day. yet there were no apologies. just an embrace. we both knew everything was forgiven. that is why we are best friends.

VI

i wonder now. will these days ever return? it is perhaps better to remember the things that were than brood over things that aren't.